so here is an update for all you dedicated blog readers. i wanted to put a picture on for proof but i can't right now...
but wanda marie and i are in australia right now! we left on wednesday ot 2:30 from stoon and arrived this morning at 7:30 friday their time. i faound out that i was coming on tuesday morning of this week. we first heard about it from steve maier on sunday evening. well talk to you all later.
we are leading some grade 10 students on a canoe trip. so talk to you later. bye.
with love, from australia
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
all my contenment issues
an online dictionary defines content as "satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else". when contentment is defined by that same site (dictionary.com) words and phrases such as "ease of mind", "satisfaction" and "happiness with one's situation in life" are used.
Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary found on the same site is cited as defining contentment as follows: "a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb. 13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor. 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2 Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2)."
.... well that saved me a bunch of research. :)
so i have been thinking about the word "contentment". here are my musings.
for quite a while i have been thinking about how, apparently, i am not content. by the definitions above i am perhaps very far from contentment. realising my need to be content i have spent considerable amount of time pondering how i am to induce contentment in my own life. the more i pondered the angrier i got.
contentment, to me, seems so passive and evasive.
i am not sure if it is connotation or expectation that contentment seems so passive... "just accept your lot in life..."
but it seems to be evasive because it seems to have the desire to cover up, hide and pretend that the desires of one's heart are not really there... "just accept your lot in life... and be happy."
i have had mono for over a month. i am, thankfully, past the 10 days of night sweats and temperatures of over 100. i am past the part where i was barely able to eat because my pussy tonsils where so swollen that there was just enough room for a Tylenol to fit... if you think i am lying ask my mom... she inspected them daily. i am past the days when my entire sustenance was soup and ice chips. now i am just tired and have to have naps in the afternoon... it may sound like the life but it is not.
another more unbearable consequence of having mono was the fact that i wasn't supposed to play contact sports for one month. with the advent of the NISL season i figured i would skip the one week of preseason and the first week of the season. i figured doctors always give a longer than necessary sentence. so the second week of the season i played and was tired after the first shift... and no it wasn't because i wasn't in shape so much as all those mono sites crowding the white and red blood cells out of my blood. (i forget which one carries the oxygen).
anyway, with mono there is the possibility of the complication of an enlarged spleen... that is why there is to be no contact sports for a month. if there is an enlarged spleen, and it were to get hit it would start to bleed and one could bleed to death. i figured that if i happened to have an enlarged spleen, which i don't know if i did, and i happened to get hit in the spleen, which there is a low probability of that occurring i would get to the hospital and get some medicines and what not before i went into shock and the next week i would be back happily playing soccer.
one of the guys on my team said, "it is better to miss a few weeks at the beginning of the season, than to miss the whole season because you are dead." my reply is just as candid, "it is better to die happy, than to have never truely lived." Wanda Marie looked like she was going to carry me off the court my first shift becasue she knew the gavity of the whole situtation.
i must not have been listening when my mom told me that the reality of a bleeding spleen is that it has to be surgically removed and thus no soccer for at least six weeks.
luckily i did not get hit in the spleen with an hard shot and so i still have my spleen.
when i considered the ramifications of my actions and the reasons behind them i realised i got dissatisfied... i got discontent.
i was the coach of my team yesterday and we had our two best games of the season so far, even though we still lost them both. being the coach doesn't mean that i don't wish i could play soccer instead of yelling, "sub when you can" periodically.
i did realise that my definition of contentment was a far better alternative to pretending and passivity than the other definitions i had encountered.
Crystal's definition for contentment: "making the most of the situations that you find yourself in."
here are some more gleanings that i contemplated as i prepared for soccer the day i embraced being the coach.
being the coach did not negate the fact that i hope to one day play the game
as i dressed in a cute brown button up top with delicate gold stripes i realised that i do not have to look like, or act like the rest of the people on my soccer team to have value and worth. i do not have to have the same role as them to be an asset to the team.
i can be actively pursuing the position of coach instead of bemoaning the fact that for a time i can not play.
contentment, then is not passive, it is not deceptive but the pursuit of reality making the most of the situations you find yourself in.
i think i will apply this to all my contentment issues.
Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary found on the same site is cited as defining contentment as follows: "a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb. 13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor. 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2 Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2)."
.... well that saved me a bunch of research. :)
so i have been thinking about the word "contentment". here are my musings.
for quite a while i have been thinking about how, apparently, i am not content. by the definitions above i am perhaps very far from contentment. realising my need to be content i have spent considerable amount of time pondering how i am to induce contentment in my own life. the more i pondered the angrier i got.
contentment, to me, seems so passive and evasive.
i am not sure if it is connotation or expectation that contentment seems so passive... "just accept your lot in life..."
but it seems to be evasive because it seems to have the desire to cover up, hide and pretend that the desires of one's heart are not really there... "just accept your lot in life... and be happy."
i have had mono for over a month. i am, thankfully, past the 10 days of night sweats and temperatures of over 100. i am past the part where i was barely able to eat because my pussy tonsils where so swollen that there was just enough room for a Tylenol to fit... if you think i am lying ask my mom... she inspected them daily. i am past the days when my entire sustenance was soup and ice chips. now i am just tired and have to have naps in the afternoon... it may sound like the life but it is not.
another more unbearable consequence of having mono was the fact that i wasn't supposed to play contact sports for one month. with the advent of the NISL season i figured i would skip the one week of preseason and the first week of the season. i figured doctors always give a longer than necessary sentence. so the second week of the season i played and was tired after the first shift... and no it wasn't because i wasn't in shape so much as all those mono sites crowding the white and red blood cells out of my blood. (i forget which one carries the oxygen).
anyway, with mono there is the possibility of the complication of an enlarged spleen... that is why there is to be no contact sports for a month. if there is an enlarged spleen, and it were to get hit it would start to bleed and one could bleed to death. i figured that if i happened to have an enlarged spleen, which i don't know if i did, and i happened to get hit in the spleen, which there is a low probability of that occurring i would get to the hospital and get some medicines and what not before i went into shock and the next week i would be back happily playing soccer.
one of the guys on my team said, "it is better to miss a few weeks at the beginning of the season, than to miss the whole season because you are dead." my reply is just as candid, "it is better to die happy, than to have never truely lived." Wanda Marie looked like she was going to carry me off the court my first shift becasue she knew the gavity of the whole situtation.
i must not have been listening when my mom told me that the reality of a bleeding spleen is that it has to be surgically removed and thus no soccer for at least six weeks.
luckily i did not get hit in the spleen with an hard shot and so i still have my spleen.
when i considered the ramifications of my actions and the reasons behind them i realised i got dissatisfied... i got discontent.
i was the coach of my team yesterday and we had our two best games of the season so far, even though we still lost them both. being the coach doesn't mean that i don't wish i could play soccer instead of yelling, "sub when you can" periodically.
i did realise that my definition of contentment was a far better alternative to pretending and passivity than the other definitions i had encountered.
Crystal's definition for contentment: "making the most of the situations that you find yourself in."
here are some more gleanings that i contemplated as i prepared for soccer the day i embraced being the coach.
being the coach did not negate the fact that i hope to one day play the game
as i dressed in a cute brown button up top with delicate gold stripes i realised that i do not have to look like, or act like the rest of the people on my soccer team to have value and worth. i do not have to have the same role as them to be an asset to the team.
i can be actively pursuing the position of coach instead of bemoaning the fact that for a time i can not play.
contentment, then is not passive, it is not deceptive but the pursuit of reality making the most of the situations you find yourself in.
i think i will apply this to all my contentment issues.
while i became and become
i don't know how to say this but i think i have been very foolish. i have said silly things and complained incessantly. i have thought that i am entitled to something. that somehow i deserve more than what i have. i do not necessarily deserve anything, especially an easy, nice or tidy life.
thank you for your belief, patience and understanding in me while i became and become.
thank you for your belief, patience and understanding in me while i became and become.
my own personalized pair.
i helped my dad during harvest and i thought that you all might enjoy some pictures of me and the crop. these pictures are so sunny; they make me miss the heat of summer.
the snow that momentarily graced us yesterday with its presence is only a realisation that winter is closer then i want to acknowledge.
for all you "non - farming types": this is oats.
here i am peering out the window of the tandem truck. you will notice the stylish and practical overalls that i am wearing. though you can not see it in the picture my name is embroidered above the pocket. they are my own personalized pair.
the snow that momentarily graced us yesterday with its presence is only a realisation that winter is closer then i want to acknowledge.
for all you "non - farming types": this is oats.
here i am peering out the window of the tandem truck. you will notice the stylish and practical overalls that i am wearing. though you can not see it in the picture my name is embroidered above the pocket. they are my own personalized pair.
Monday, September 24, 2007
"Hi! My name is Wanda Maire."
I have a friend and her name is Wanda Maire. We have just celebrated our one year anniversary of being friends. throughout our time being friends she has kicked me in the butt, literally, a few times, challenged me spiritually, and has threatened to cuff me upside the head if i ever entertain the thought of Internet dating, twice if needed.
We have endeavored on many adventures: canoeing, colorful trips to programs, and a great time shopping at the Eastern Market. (See picture below). Whatever she may say, if you go to the Eastern Market with her DO NOT, DO NOT i repeat, let her convince you to buy to eggs and that you should try them. she said it was a Philippines food and that she had it before but the look on my face before trying it is in no way even close to the reality of what we experienced that day.
She is a great friend who has encouraged and inspired me to not only be a better person but to be a better woman. She is always feeding me her newest and spiciest dishes while she listens to my cynical tributes to the world. she is understanding and a person who helps me realise the foolishness of the things i sometimes think and say. As you may see from the picture below we have matching vacuum boxes (and vacuums too). We also have red rings that match that we got from a gumball machine at Fudruckers. we have realised that we are actually quite alike and i appreciate the fact that when i use big words she knows what i am saying. i also appreciate that she laughs at my jokes that others do not get.
Our next endeavors, i am sure, will be grand... or perhaps mundane... but they will be memorable and special.
though there are now three Wanda Maires that i know, she is the only one who holds a special spot in my heart... and my car. i love you WM and may every endeavor that we have result in at least one other person saying, "Hi! My name is Wanda Maire."
And how will I find a man when I live in my parents’ basement?
For a twenty – four year old woman who has a BA in Pastoral Studies and two years of full – time ministry experience, from the vantage point of living in my parents’ basement, I can’t help but wonder: Is there more to life? I feel betrayed by the society and the idealism that told me I could have it all: career, ministry, success happiness and contentment.
For the confident, cool, forever collected woman I am supposed to be I feel duped and foolish. I was told I was a world changer, to dream big dreams, to impact society, to make something of myself. But here I am back at the place I started six years ago. I was a fresh face, full of energy and zest: ready to take on the world and win. But here I am, again, living with my parents … dependant once again. No job, no home and no one to share my life with. The epitome of failure: dependant, unemployed, homeless… and single to boot. Where is all the fame and glory?
I only see specialness among the mundane.
I wanted to “do something with my life”. I wanted to impact others. But I see that I am nothing. There has to be more to life than chasing the ever illusive dream of success and happiness. How much to I really care to be nothing… and surrender?
Contentment? I thought I was promised a life of good times, fulfilling relationships and a good reputable job (with decent salary and benefits).
Normal. Life is so normal. Where are the fireworks, the grand adventure, the brilliant sun sets and the shining man on the white stallion?
Life seems to have gotten too busy for sunsets and homemade granola bars.
All I have are empty promises and broken dreams. I have been disillusioned by the shout of success, the lure of heightened dreams and the façade of the fabulous future. In reality all there is, is the mundane contentment in the simplicity of life.
Where is that self confident independent woman that I am told will bring fulfillment. My head is so full of the right answers I have had no time to think about what I feel myself. Is there more to life than chasing fame, glory and fortune? To the on looker I have it all, yet I feel so empty inside.
In my mind I have a picture of the ultimate failure and I have become it: living in my home town, helping with youth group, living in my parents’ basement.
I had expected ministry to be “all that it was cracked up to be”. I was lonely. I still am. In ministry I had position, status and a ‘WOW, I can’t believe you are doing this”, factor. Now I am only what I am: a selfish little brat. I can think of no one but myself. My success. My happiness. Contentment? It isn’t even an option. I will always want more. I will always want to be more.
I’ve been told and have told so many people that they can achieve greatness, do whatever they want, that they are gifted for ministry. They dashed my hopes for them and worked at a regular job. Content. But I was not. I have big dreams. I’m independent. I am a mover and a completer. I have high hopes. But nothing is WOW enough. Nothing is extravagant enough for me. I need to achieve. I need to be someone. Need to prove I can make it. Need to be the best. Do the best and need to bee a step above the rest. But it makes me feel so selfish and so insignificant.
Maybe when people chose to work in a regular job that they love it isn’t because they didn’t have what it took to make it, but perhaps they had it made. Maybe choosing to live life they found life and in slowing down they found freedom. I feel like I always have to be doing but I have no idea where I am supposed to be going. And I don’t like going alone, that’s for sure. Is nothing more? And is that more, less?
My pride is broken, I feel humbled to not have a job or a home but seriously… how long does this have to go on?
And how will I ever find a man when I live in my parents’ basement?
For the confident, cool, forever collected woman I am supposed to be I feel duped and foolish. I was told I was a world changer, to dream big dreams, to impact society, to make something of myself. But here I am back at the place I started six years ago. I was a fresh face, full of energy and zest: ready to take on the world and win. But here I am, again, living with my parents … dependant once again. No job, no home and no one to share my life with. The epitome of failure: dependant, unemployed, homeless… and single to boot. Where is all the fame and glory?
I only see specialness among the mundane.
I wanted to “do something with my life”. I wanted to impact others. But I see that I am nothing. There has to be more to life than chasing the ever illusive dream of success and happiness. How much to I really care to be nothing… and surrender?
Contentment? I thought I was promised a life of good times, fulfilling relationships and a good reputable job (with decent salary and benefits).
Normal. Life is so normal. Where are the fireworks, the grand adventure, the brilliant sun sets and the shining man on the white stallion?
Life seems to have gotten too busy for sunsets and homemade granola bars.
All I have are empty promises and broken dreams. I have been disillusioned by the shout of success, the lure of heightened dreams and the façade of the fabulous future. In reality all there is, is the mundane contentment in the simplicity of life.
Where is that self confident independent woman that I am told will bring fulfillment. My head is so full of the right answers I have had no time to think about what I feel myself. Is there more to life than chasing fame, glory and fortune? To the on looker I have it all, yet I feel so empty inside.
In my mind I have a picture of the ultimate failure and I have become it: living in my home town, helping with youth group, living in my parents’ basement.
I had expected ministry to be “all that it was cracked up to be”. I was lonely. I still am. In ministry I had position, status and a ‘WOW, I can’t believe you are doing this”, factor. Now I am only what I am: a selfish little brat. I can think of no one but myself. My success. My happiness. Contentment? It isn’t even an option. I will always want more. I will always want to be more.
I’ve been told and have told so many people that they can achieve greatness, do whatever they want, that they are gifted for ministry. They dashed my hopes for them and worked at a regular job. Content. But I was not. I have big dreams. I’m independent. I am a mover and a completer. I have high hopes. But nothing is WOW enough. Nothing is extravagant enough for me. I need to achieve. I need to be someone. Need to prove I can make it. Need to be the best. Do the best and need to bee a step above the rest. But it makes me feel so selfish and so insignificant.
Maybe when people chose to work in a regular job that they love it isn’t because they didn’t have what it took to make it, but perhaps they had it made. Maybe choosing to live life they found life and in slowing down they found freedom. I feel like I always have to be doing but I have no idea where I am supposed to be going. And I don’t like going alone, that’s for sure. Is nothing more? And is that more, less?
My pride is broken, I feel humbled to not have a job or a home but seriously… how long does this have to go on?
And how will I ever find a man when I live in my parents’ basement?
Friday, September 14, 2007
and more ‘treasures’ will always accumulate in the garage.
so i have had the opportunity to cut my hari for "locks of love". i also called the tisdale recorder and a guy came and took some pictures. it felt like i was famous and that i was in a photo shoot. i have posted the article that i wrote, i hope you enjoy it and the new hair. pretty short eh? the newspaper edited it a bit for grammer but they left the content the same.
Chopping These Lovely Locks for “Locks of Love”
When giving is mentioned we instinctively think of monetary gifts, but generosity is not bound by finances. There are many ways to give without burning a hole in your pocket book. “Locks of Love” is one of them. After five years of growing my hair it was only a few inches from my waist. When cut I had two bundles: one 15 inches and the other topping out at 18 inches. The minimum donation length is 10 inches but I decided to give as much as I had. A lot more people might give if they knew they only had to grow 10 inches.
“Locks of Love’s” identity, mission and purpose is stated on their website as a (http://www.locksoflove.org/) “… public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. [While also seeking to] return a sense of self, confidence and normalcy to children suffering from hair loss by utilizing donated ponytails to provide the highest quality hair prosthetics to financially disadvantaged children. The children receive hair prostheses free of charge or on a sliding scale, based on financial need.”
It takes between 6 and 8 bundles of hair to make one hair prostheses. When finished, if the hair piece were to be sold, it would retail between $3500 and $6000. It is interesting that eighty percent of the hair donations to “Locks of Love” are made by kids who want to help out kids.
So on this rainy day while harvest is paused I contemplate generosity. It seems that as I have ‘matured’ I have realized there is a tendency in my heart to grow stingy as well. If there is that tendency in your heart too there are several things that we can do. As well as set pre- authorized monthly donations to a charity of your choice, we can enjoy thinking of creative ways to give that cost little or no money. Whenever one has extra or lots of something one may practice sharing. Hair doesn’t cost anything to give. Other fun things to give are homemade cookies to a neighbor and ‘treasures’ from the garage to a Church rummage sale. Times visiting shut – ins over tea or invested in young people, through sport and extra circular involvements are never vain generosity.
Giving reaps many natural benefits that far out way the forever misplaced tax deductible receipts. Giving is one way to remember that there are those who are in need and that I am very fortunate to live and grow in a safe country. Giving raises awareness for the needy as people seek out the best way to support people financially. Giving grows opportunities to partner with those who may come from different backgrounds and life experiences. There is joy in giving and freedom in realizing that it is much better to give than to receive. Giving trains a person to live satisfied on a lower means and decreases the desire to live a materialistic life. Giving enables a grateful heart and decreases the desire for more. Giving changes me. Giving changes US, as a whole community. Generosity does not change our circumstances but through it I realize I can not out give the One who gave first. No one can out give God. Christ gave the ultimate gift: His life so that I, you, WE, may live and have life to the fullest.
So what am I about to do today? I am presently on my way to Hair 2000, to chop these lovely locks; to give them to another who has not, to show that I am growing out of my stinginess, while intending to demonstrate that generosity is a joyful experience.
Finally, I encourage: please get out there, continue giving, think about what you have lots of and give some of it away. You will find that there is joy in giving and that it is not nearly as bad as the reputation that precedes it. Besides, hair grows back, and more ‘treasures’ will always accumulate in the garage.
When giving is mentioned we instinctively think of monetary gifts, but generosity is not bound by finances. There are many ways to give without burning a hole in your pocket book. “Locks of Love” is one of them. After five years of growing my hair it was only a few inches from my waist. When cut I had two bundles: one 15 inches and the other topping out at 18 inches. The minimum donation length is 10 inches but I decided to give as much as I had. A lot more people might give if they knew they only had to grow 10 inches.
“Locks of Love’s” identity, mission and purpose is stated on their website as a (http://www.locksoflove.org/) “… public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. [While also seeking to] return a sense of self, confidence and normalcy to children suffering from hair loss by utilizing donated ponytails to provide the highest quality hair prosthetics to financially disadvantaged children. The children receive hair prostheses free of charge or on a sliding scale, based on financial need.”
It takes between 6 and 8 bundles of hair to make one hair prostheses. When finished, if the hair piece were to be sold, it would retail between $3500 and $6000. It is interesting that eighty percent of the hair donations to “Locks of Love” are made by kids who want to help out kids.
So on this rainy day while harvest is paused I contemplate generosity. It seems that as I have ‘matured’ I have realized there is a tendency in my heart to grow stingy as well. If there is that tendency in your heart too there are several things that we can do. As well as set pre- authorized monthly donations to a charity of your choice, we can enjoy thinking of creative ways to give that cost little or no money. Whenever one has extra or lots of something one may practice sharing. Hair doesn’t cost anything to give. Other fun things to give are homemade cookies to a neighbor and ‘treasures’ from the garage to a Church rummage sale. Times visiting shut – ins over tea or invested in young people, through sport and extra circular involvements are never vain generosity.
Giving reaps many natural benefits that far out way the forever misplaced tax deductible receipts. Giving is one way to remember that there are those who are in need and that I am very fortunate to live and grow in a safe country. Giving raises awareness for the needy as people seek out the best way to support people financially. Giving grows opportunities to partner with those who may come from different backgrounds and life experiences. There is joy in giving and freedom in realizing that it is much better to give than to receive. Giving trains a person to live satisfied on a lower means and decreases the desire to live a materialistic life. Giving enables a grateful heart and decreases the desire for more. Giving changes me. Giving changes US, as a whole community. Generosity does not change our circumstances but through it I realize I can not out give the One who gave first. No one can out give God. Christ gave the ultimate gift: His life so that I, you, WE, may live and have life to the fullest.
So what am I about to do today? I am presently on my way to Hair 2000, to chop these lovely locks; to give them to another who has not, to show that I am growing out of my stinginess, while intending to demonstrate that generosity is a joyful experience.
Finally, I encourage: please get out there, continue giving, think about what you have lots of and give some of it away. You will find that there is joy in giving and that it is not nearly as bad as the reputation that precedes it. Besides, hair grows back, and more ‘treasures’ will always accumulate in the garage.
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