i am not an overly emotional person but when i do have feelings they are intense and real. there are some people who seem to have an emotional crisis every second day at the least. i have my share of problems and areas that i grow through and in but i am not one of those people who get worked up all the time. if i am ever having a feeling, though, i experience it with the greatest intensity which could perhaps be described as bursts of feeling.
right now i think i am in the middle of or at the latter end of a really intense feeling. i am not sure how to exactly describe this feeling. but it lies somewhere between disgust, and repulsion, while hovering close to deep sadness and major concern.
i have had several conversations with numerous people about the appropriateness of movies in the christian life. i know people who limit and strictly regulate and restrict their movie intake while others insist that they can watch whatever they want and not be affected. some friends that i know only watch movies with G and PG ratings. adversly, i had one guy friend state that he would watch R movies before he would watch a PG movie. when i tell people this they are usually shocked until i add his rational. he stated that with R movies there is violence and usually swearing but you know that, and you expect that. but with PG movies you expect they will be "pretty clean" only to watch them and be surprised with sketchy scenes, random nakedness and people clad in their under garments marching about like they were fully dressed. with PG movies there is now way of telling from the rating or the tiny blurb on the back of the DVD case how much and how frequent and how sketchy things will get. when i tell people about his rational they usually state something to the following effect, "i guess that is true, i never thought of it like that before."
now, i am not advocating that everyone go and watch an R rated movie after reading this but i do voice a caution for those of you who think that movies with G and PG ratings are "family approved".
inevitably, in all my experience, as the conversations progress on the topic of movies and sketchiness, some guy in the group will state, "that kind of stuff doesn't affect me". today that comment came with a shrug of the shoulders and a smug look on his face that seemed to say, "i am too spiritual for that stuff to affect me." this time, for some reason this smug look invoked a sickness deeper and stronger in me than similar comments made in the past. we parted our separate ways, as i had painting to do and he had some other work to do. as i painted i was able to sort my thoughts, order them and verbally compose them in a manor that was intelligible for human understanding.
how a woman feels when she watches a movie or sees anther girl uncovered when she is with a guy is explained as follows: first of all, this guy could be her dad, her brother, her friend, her boyfriend or her husband or any other random man or boy. when a woman is with a guy and they see another woman uncovered or in very little, she feels uncovered herself. she feels vulnerable, unprotected, exposed and personally violated. as the nakedness of another is exposed and revealed, for all to see, women feel as if it has been themselves that has been uncovered. she also feels shame. shame for that woman. shame for women corporately. and shame for herself proportionally to her own personal exposure or abuse. she feels unspecial.
i am disgusted with any man who "is not affected" by scantily clad sketchy women and random nakedness because inevitably this means he has lost something of the sacred beauty and wonder that a man was created to have for a woman. he is tainted to the point that his conscience no longer responds to the immorality of uncovered nakedness.
all throughout Scripture there is great shame associated with the uncovered, naked person as well as with those who are associated with that person.
take Genesis 8:18 - 27 for example. Noah plants a vineyard, drank the wine and was drunk and becames naked in his tent. Ham saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brothers. Shem and Japheth come and cover their father with a garment, laying the garment on the back of both their shoulders, and walking backward went and covered the nakedness of their father. When Noah woke, he knew what Ham had done and cursed him and then blessed Shem and Japheth for what they had done.
and the in the familiar story of Adam and Eve. before they fell into the original sin they were naked in the garden of Eden and they were not ashamed. Gen. 2:25 "And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." then after they disobeyed the Lord "... the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings." Gen 3: 7
but the way that they tried to cover themselves was inadequate, insufficient and not enough. so "... for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin, and clothed them." Gen 3:21 God's covering was enough to cover their shame and their nakedness. it is interesting to note that the word translated as 'clothed' also may be translated as 'covered'.
God has covered us! "You have forgiven the iniquity of Your people; You have covered all their sin." Psalm 85:2
there is blessing with being covered! "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered." Psalm 32:1
though some women choose to uncover themselves we no longer have to live uncovered.
ADDED LATER: Bibliography: some ideas about the way a woman feels when watching a movie with sketchiness and random nakedness were taken from "Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry". Sorry for the delay I couldn't remember which book it came from.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
this is where i am...!
this is where i am... i arose this morning to the soft sound of snow falling. as the snow fell on this 18th of May it gently landed and contrasted on the growing green poplar leaves just arriving from their winter vacation.
this is where i am... Torch Trail Bible Camp. i started living on camp shortly after accepting the full time position of Director of Camps, Follow - Up and Discipleship. I have been primarily busy planning for the summer. This past winter i have promoted the camp at 4 Bible schools, 3 Christian High Schools, 12 churches and did one fun weekend in Montreal Lake and LaRonge with a kids games afternoon and a youth gym night in each finishing with a presentation at a church on the Sunday morning. All in 4 months. (I organized it before, of course.) Now that summer is quickly approaching i have been planning staff training, buying craft materials, processing staff applications and answering all kinds of questions about the camp that many people have via phone and emails.
this is where i am... aka camp aka home. I still remember when nbi finally became home and when returning i would say that i was going home. i remember in my second year in the RA meeting and how it was suggested that it was after first semester break and, if not, for sure by after Christmas that nbi was to become home for the students. my parents home has been home to me for ever and i am sure it will always be. and while working at lcbi my house there became a place of rest and recuperation and home. i have lived at the camp for just about 7 months and i would always think of returning to my place of dwelling as "going to the camp" and "torch trail". it was only last weekend as i returned from a friend's graduation that i thought, "it will be so good to be home." Torch Trail has become my home. this is where i am... home.
this is where i am... there have been, and probably still will be, uncertainties and insecurities.
this is where i am... but more recently and now there is victory, freedom, and life. and this is where i am...!
why i got real mad one day...
a couple of months ago i was hanging out with three guy friends. the conversation turned to discuss what we should do to occupy our selves that evening. there were several ideas: go for doughnuts at a friends, play some more rook, or go for coffee at Kingfisher. I think that these were the main suggestions but because i got real mad that day i can't remember exactly the options. anyway, that doesn't affect the story. so after the ideas had been suggested we wondered about whose car to take: some one's was broken but could be used if someone had booster cables, someone else's could be used and i had my car. they hummed and hawed. and sat there with foolish looks on their faces waiting for someone to decide.
i had discussed with a few friends how i had been trying to practically practice the enabling of my guy friends leadership development. here was my theory: i would sit back and let one of them decide. this was the way that i had decided to practice submission and practice the enabling of their leadership. i was trying to do this now. i kept thinking, "what in the world is the matter here! why is no one deciding anything. usually this one guy is so good with making decisions! why is he not making one today?" the thoughts rolled around my mind as i sat there biting my tongue. finally, i think i gave up and suggested we go for doughnuts and take my car. drove my car to pick up the boys i still wondered what in the world kept that one guy from making a decisive decision.
as i sat in my car with that, usually good decision maker, guy he suddenly broke my thought pattern with the following statement, "i was being quiet and not making a decision so that the other guys could make a decision." i didn't answer. but i got real mad later and didn't fully understand why until i had had the chance to talk it out with a female friend later that week.
i enable leadership in my guy friends by letting them lead. guys demonstrate to other guys the way to lead by showing them the way. he was trying to lead in the way that i was trying to enable leadership. in effect, he was following my lead by following my actions. all my efforts seemed in vain.
so did i tell him where i think he went wrong? no! of course not. to do so would assume the position of showing the way, thus nullifying the very essence of what i was trying to accomplish.
so what am i trying to accomplish with the publication of this? well, i want to express why i got real made one day...
i had discussed with a few friends how i had been trying to practically practice the enabling of my guy friends leadership development. here was my theory: i would sit back and let one of them decide. this was the way that i had decided to practice submission and practice the enabling of their leadership. i was trying to do this now. i kept thinking, "what in the world is the matter here! why is no one deciding anything. usually this one guy is so good with making decisions! why is he not making one today?" the thoughts rolled around my mind as i sat there biting my tongue. finally, i think i gave up and suggested we go for doughnuts and take my car. drove my car to pick up the boys i still wondered what in the world kept that one guy from making a decisive decision.
as i sat in my car with that, usually good decision maker, guy he suddenly broke my thought pattern with the following statement, "i was being quiet and not making a decision so that the other guys could make a decision." i didn't answer. but i got real mad later and didn't fully understand why until i had had the chance to talk it out with a female friend later that week.
i enable leadership in my guy friends by letting them lead. guys demonstrate to other guys the way to lead by showing them the way. he was trying to lead in the way that i was trying to enable leadership. in effect, he was following my lead by following my actions. all my efforts seemed in vain.
so did i tell him where i think he went wrong? no! of course not. to do so would assume the position of showing the way, thus nullifying the very essence of what i was trying to accomplish.
so what am i trying to accomplish with the publication of this? well, i want to express why i got real made one day...
Monday, May 7, 2007
Helper Days
When i was in kindergarten there was a special day that we all looked forward to. This special day was called "helper days". In fact, every day was a "helper day". Each day there were two helpers. One boy and one girl. When you were the helper you got to do cool and special things. You got to wear a helper pin. It was real big so everyone could see that you were the helper. You also got to stand at the front of the line to lead the class out to the guy and music class. And if there were crayons to hand out to the tables, the helpers got to do it.
I really enjoyed being the helper. It was a special occasion exaggerated by the fact that it didn't happen to me all that often. Thinking back, if there were 12 girls and only two days of school each week, about every month and a half each girl would get to be the helper once. Given holidays and whatnot each girl could expect to be the helper 6 times total for all of their kindergarten experience. For something so exciting as a big button, standing at the front of the line and handing out crayons, 6 times is not that often, but often enough to make it special and sought after. i always felt so special on my helper days. i remember smiling at the front of the line because i was the helper. it felt so good to be the helper, to help my teacher. at age 5 everyone always wants to help. just for perspective helper days were just as great as taking Zeddy home for the week.
But there came a time shortly after kindergarten helper days when being a helper became a horrible thing, a thing to avoid, a very bad thing, indeed. Shortly after my beloved experience as a helper in kindergarten my mother found out about these "helper days". Shortened to "helpadays" being a helper was avoided at all cost. I think the original rotation was myself, Naomi and Tammy. Later Bethany was added and then Lila. On such "helpadays" one received the privilege of praying for the meal and going downstairs several times to "get the corn" or whatever other item was needed for the preparation of supper.
Usually the holler would come from the kitchen just about the time that we were busy with homework or some other pressing matter. Usually we would try to pawn off our responsibility to whoever's "helpaday" it was. If someone was asked to get bread or corn from the basement the resulting reply would be "It's not my 'helpaday'". And so whoever had the misfortune of being the helper that day had to go into the basement and retrieve the dreaded supplies for the meal. Being the helper became such a painful experience that the very word helper began to carry negative connotations. Sometimes one would be the helper two times in one week.
Somewhere in the process of "helpadays" i came to dread any inference of helping, of doing good and serving others. Something that i was diabolically opposed to was the thought that one day i would be forced to be the dreaded helper to one man FOREVER. As a result of these awful "helpadays" i never envisioned myself where i am today. i think i would have seriously injured me had i met myself now, then. I don't think the Crystal today would be friends with the Crystal of 6 - 9 years ago.
Being a helper is not a bad thing. How opposite i am from how i was to even type this. Just as somewhere in time as "helper days" switched to "helpadays" there must have been a time where i began to realize being a helper was not an awful, dreaded thing to avoid but something precious that is not all that bad but a beautiful gift.
Today, i like being a helper. Well, i still don't like getting corn from the basement, but i know that my perspective has changed on being a helper. Some where, some time, i regained that joy that i once had as a helper in kindergarten. once again it was ok to be a helper. once again it is ok to be a helper.
Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. " KJV
Genesis 2:20 "And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him." KJV
Psalm 30:10 "Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper." KJV
Psalm 54:4 "Behold, God is mine helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul." KJV
Psalm 10:14 "But You have seen, for You observe trouble and grief, To repay it by Your hand. The helpless commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless." NKJV
Hebrews 13:6 "So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” " NKJV
I really enjoyed being the helper. It was a special occasion exaggerated by the fact that it didn't happen to me all that often. Thinking back, if there were 12 girls and only two days of school each week, about every month and a half each girl would get to be the helper once. Given holidays and whatnot each girl could expect to be the helper 6 times total for all of their kindergarten experience. For something so exciting as a big button, standing at the front of the line and handing out crayons, 6 times is not that often, but often enough to make it special and sought after. i always felt so special on my helper days. i remember smiling at the front of the line because i was the helper. it felt so good to be the helper, to help my teacher. at age 5 everyone always wants to help. just for perspective helper days were just as great as taking Zeddy home for the week.
But there came a time shortly after kindergarten helper days when being a helper became a horrible thing, a thing to avoid, a very bad thing, indeed. Shortly after my beloved experience as a helper in kindergarten my mother found out about these "helper days". Shortened to "helpadays" being a helper was avoided at all cost. I think the original rotation was myself, Naomi and Tammy. Later Bethany was added and then Lila. On such "helpadays" one received the privilege of praying for the meal and going downstairs several times to "get the corn" or whatever other item was needed for the preparation of supper.
Usually the holler would come from the kitchen just about the time that we were busy with homework or some other pressing matter. Usually we would try to pawn off our responsibility to whoever's "helpaday" it was. If someone was asked to get bread or corn from the basement the resulting reply would be "It's not my 'helpaday'". And so whoever had the misfortune of being the helper that day had to go into the basement and retrieve the dreaded supplies for the meal. Being the helper became such a painful experience that the very word helper began to carry negative connotations. Sometimes one would be the helper two times in one week.
Somewhere in the process of "helpadays" i came to dread any inference of helping, of doing good and serving others. Something that i was diabolically opposed to was the thought that one day i would be forced to be the dreaded helper to one man FOREVER. As a result of these awful "helpadays" i never envisioned myself where i am today. i think i would have seriously injured me had i met myself now, then. I don't think the Crystal today would be friends with the Crystal of 6 - 9 years ago.
Being a helper is not a bad thing. How opposite i am from how i was to even type this. Just as somewhere in time as "helper days" switched to "helpadays" there must have been a time where i began to realize being a helper was not an awful, dreaded thing to avoid but something precious that is not all that bad but a beautiful gift.
Today, i like being a helper. Well, i still don't like getting corn from the basement, but i know that my perspective has changed on being a helper. Some where, some time, i regained that joy that i once had as a helper in kindergarten. once again it was ok to be a helper. once again it is ok to be a helper.
Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. " KJV
Genesis 2:20 "And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him." KJV
Psalm 30:10 "Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper." KJV
Psalm 54:4 "Behold, God is mine helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul." KJV
Psalm 10:14 "But You have seen, for You observe trouble and grief, To repay it by Your hand. The helpless commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless." NKJV
Hebrews 13:6 "So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” " NKJV
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