Ordinarily, i would say i am pretty ordinary. Actually, for a while i was almost kinda sad that i am so ordinary. well, what makes me ordinary? really, there is nothing that spectacular about me. i have so sweet skills. i do a lot of things ok but none of them extraordinarily. for awhile i didn't mind being ordinary because i had always heard it said, "God uses ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary things." well if that is true then there should be no problem with being ordinary. but yet somewhere deep inside of me, i long to be not ordinary. i don't want to be the same as everybody else. because everybody else is ... pretty ordinary. i don't want to be ordinary. i long to not be ordinary. i long to be special.
i was recently told, at a church service, by the guest speaker, "You are not ordinary. You are a woman of God." now this might not be so extraordinary or special had he been talking to everyone. But he was talking to just me. there were a few people at the front and he was praying for them and giving them words of encouragement. he said that to me. and only to me. i am not prone to tears. they don't come naturally for me. some people are just good criers. i am not one of them. it is very rarely that i do cry. in fact as the tears streamed down my cheeks i wondered why i was crying. why where these words of life so freeing? so needed? so long i had waited to hear that i was not ordinary. why where these words so liberating? so healing? there was something healing going on in my soul, in the inner most part of my being as those words of life were spoken over me.
i don't want to be ordinary. i don't think anyone does. yes, we know that we are special, but somehow that specialness has become ordinary and in the process, i have became ordinary too. i was not created to be ordinary. my interests, hobbies, personality and weakness, are enough to make me an individual. but there is something deeper that makes me not ordinary. i am a godly woman. it seems almost audacious to write this. prideful too. but i don't think there is any pride here as i contemplate these words spoken over my life. in fact, i think there is great humility required to admit and testify that i am not ordinary. in a world where everyone is trying to be the best, trying to succeed in a competitive market, sports arena and relationships, vying for anything but ordinary, they are marked by ordinary despite their efforts, because of their efforts. ordinary people pursue the things of this world. not ordinary people pursue God.
this weekend surrounded by the festivities of a high school friend's wedding i realized, more than before, not everyone is pursuing God. As the life music and the alcohol from the ticket bar seemed to never end and i caught myself watching people: drink, flirt, dance... but mostly drink and flirt. polkas are not so good for flirting. i wondered what in the world are they trying to prove? what in the world are they living for? and i also caught myself reflecting, "they are ordinary. i am not ordinary. i am a woman of God."
today, there are lots of people. maybe even lots of godly people. but something i am noticing, especially in the church, is that though there are lots of people and even lots of godly people there is something missing in that: there are few godly women and few godly men.
now there is a vast distinction between a godly person and being a godly man or woman. and truthfully i think it is impossible to mature in godliness unless one is maturing as that godly man and that godly woman. God made us men and women. gently, i trod here as my statements are generalizations and exagerations to make the point that we are so prone to overlook and forget: we, as women, have sought to become tough, and strong and lead and like men. but men! oh men, they have somehow become demasculinized. if that is even a word then it is defiantly... definitely what men have become. they have been told and expected to become gentle, tame, talk about feelings, domesticated.
no, i don't think men should run around farting, spitting and burping all the time. i don't think they should run around with clubs and beat each other on the head with them. but i do know that some where something has been lost. i don't know whose fault it is that men are acting like sissies. and i don't know whose fault it is that women are running around trying to rule the world. but i do know that there was and is something lost in the pursuit to gain equality: gone is godly manhood and godly womanhood manifest in our relationships, pursuing the Lord together. i have seen it occasionally. and i have been intentionally trying to grow into being a godly woman.
a question that i have is why in the world did women seek to gain what they could have had, and in the process loose any chance of gaining what they so desperately sought? freedom, equality, rights and liberty. now we can wear what ever we want, or as little as we want: but men have come to disrespect, come to loathe these women who flaunt their bodies. why bother respecting a women who doesn't respect herself.
and another question: where were the men that let these women get so out of control? why did their husbands let them break away from family, care and protection. why did fathers let their daughters seek to abuse themselves? why did they let them think they could protect themselves when their actions demonstrated they didn't... couldn't... ?
I think this is what happened: Adam forgot who he was. and as he forgot who he was, he was no longer able to tell Eve who she was. with no foundation of identity for himself he was unable to tell Eve "you are woman because you were taken from man."
And why did Adam forget who he was? He strayed too far from the voice that whispered his name. he strayed too far from God. For it was God that named him in the first place, gave him identity and purpose.
And now woman, seeing that man has strayed and has no idea where he is or where he is going, has decided that she will seek to find who she is with out his help. and she will also name him too. she will tell him who she is. she will put him in his place. she will give identity to his life. and with that, there went man and woman, wandering, not knowing who they were. man defeated, wondering. and woman empowered yet perpetually wondering: seeking to name both herself and her man.
when a man looks at me and asks me with his eyes, "am i man enough?" i never reply for the answer in my heart is "i can not give you identity. i can not tell you if you are man enough. i can not answer that question for you." he seeks to prove his manliness, seeking and searching for answers. but women can not give him the answers that he so desperately seeks. some woman have tried. they have told their men who he should be, who they want him to be. and this has resulting in the weak men who, given identity from the woman, have become even more defeated and more lost in the process.
when a man knows who he is as a child of God and as a man of God it enables the females around him to develop into women of God. it is when a man knows who he is, as that Man of God, that he, no longer seeking the woman's answers, can now tell her that she is woman. and that is very good.
i am not ordinary. my strengths, hobbies, gifts, personality and weakness are enough to make me unique but it is the fact that i am a godly woman that makes me not ordinary.
oh men, boldly approach the throne of grace to meet the Lord and get him to give you affirmation and identity. i can not give you that. but please, when you have found that you are man, before the Lord, come back for me and my fellow sisters and please tell us that we are women.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
In the Mean Time
Public Disclaimer: Since I, Crystal, am a woman and author of this blog i am therefore qualified and justified to write anything that is, in my opinion, my opinion. I have the stated the following in order to incite riots, challenge the status quo and just be plain counter culture. I hope you enjoy my tangents as much as i enjoyed going on them. :)
What to do in the mean time. I have had several conversations, as of late, about the mean time and what i should be doing with and in it. Most often this "mean time" is the time before marriage and is quite mean to me some days.
Ok some history, the initial mean time conversation originated in a place far away near Saskatoon, (insert Crystal smile here). We were discussing how it is good for men to work. Hey, whose going to disagree with that. Men love to work. And to do well at their work. (Or so i have read in all the books.) And I love working men. It is something that God created in a man's heart: to desire to work and to do it well. There is something beautifully God ordained in the way a man works, whether in the heat of the day, resulting in many beads of sweat falling and transpiring or as a man works with numbers and people. There is just something wonderfully wonderful about the working man. The ability to work is a wonderful gift from God and many a man, who is demoted, laid off or worse yet... fired, will tell you how lucky is the man who raises from bed to work. Oh sure, they may complain or mumble about work and live for the weekends but when he has no work he wastes away and there is something in his spirit that dies. Oh, you might know a man who is lazy and does not want to work... but that is only what it appears to be, for deep inside, the place where no one can see he fears he may fail at work, at the purpose given to man at the foundations of the worlds creation: he has fallen for the lie that to not work is better than to try to work and fail. Who tells these lies? Sometimes parents, and peers. But the ones who hurt the man's desire to work the deepest is his woman. She has told him he is lazy that he is a good for nothing bum. So why work? Why not prove her right. Prove her wrong MAN, show her the beauty of a working man.
So going back to when the foundation of the world was laid: Genesis 2 gives the expanded account of the creation of man and woman. It is interesting to note here that in Genesis 2:5 it states, "For the LORD God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to till the ground..." I read some where that when a conjunction is used in the old testament there is equal weight on the first and second statements. It seems here that it didn't rain because there was no man to work. Creation is ordered and caused to behave in a way because there was no man to work.
But continuing on. In chapter 2: starting at verse 7 an expanded version of the creation of man and woman is given. Verse 8 says that the Lord put the man that He had formed into the garden, Eden, that He had planted. Now after a few verses about the layout of the land and some of the rivers in the area verse 15 gets very interesting: "Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." Verse 15 & 17 are the verbal instructions of which fruits he may eat and which he may not and the consequences of said "if" disobedience.
"OK OK we all know this story. What does this have to do with anything that you were rambling on about before?" You may ask. Well, i am glad you asked. Verse 18, the first time in Scripture that God says that His is not good, states: "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Verse 19 goes on to say that the birds and the animals were formed. When God formed each living creature he brought it to Adam and Adam named each creature. "And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name." Gen 2:1
[Side note: this is why men love naming things: their cars, their bikes, code names, secret club names, nick names... the LORD God designed it into the heart of a man to name things... to speak words of meaning and significance into the lives of others. ]
But in all this searching Adam did not find who he was looking for. He did not find someone to govern and rule the earth with.
[Side note again: This is why men love to search for the one that will compliment their lives. It is a game, a challenge... a hunt to find the one who will fit him. The thrill of the chase. Eve never searched for Adam. It was Adam that looked for that helper to compliment him. It is interesting to note the paradigm shift, most notably in junior high and high school relationships: the girls ask the guys... oh oh oh ... i like your sweater. I know of one girl who specifically drove to a nearby city (the closest one being 2.5 hours away) to attend a college and career group for the soul purpose of finding a boyfriend. And it was not entirely impossible that she would be unsuccessful either! That was the most bizarre part. She didn't succeed, thankfully, but she tired! That is the crazy part: Eve was never created to search for Adam! But we are seeing this more and more. Even older godly ladies, realizing their biological clocks are ticking and the reality of a big family is fading, go searching for Adam. And so they find him, but he is not nearly who they dreamed he would be, he is only a sad glimpse of the man they had once hoped to marry, but he was the only one they could find. Girls are rotten searchers. They usually find a looser who is too wussy of a man to even ask her out: so she takes things into her own hands and she sits alone at night wondering where her night in rusty armor is. One girl, who i deeply admire, is quoted as saying, "If he is not man enough to ask me, he is not man enough to be my man!" Wow! What a girl. She's a keeper. And men sometimes compromise and stop searching for that dear one who is to compliment his heart, only to realize shortly that his compromise has left him with a her nagging like a constant drip and it would be better to live on the corner of a roof. Well, enough tangent for now... moving back to the Genesis account.]
Verse 21 & 22 give account of the creation of woman. Though we do not yet know it is woman that the Lord is creating ... all we know is that Adam is in a deep sleep and the Lord is using a part of Adam in this special creation. Verse 21 & 22: "And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man." It is very interesting that the Lord brought her to the man. After all that searching and looking it was the Lord who brought Eve to Adam. It is in verse 23 that we see that Adam names her. "And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
[Side note again: This is why women love to be named by men. Ok let me explain: there is something powerful and beautiful and even ordained in God created order for a man to tell a woman who she is. Adam knows who he is before he tells the woman who she is. She is Woman BECAUSE she is taken out of Man! When a man knows who he is and is secure in his identity and position as a man it frees his woman to know who she is because she is secure and safe knowing that her man knows who he is. ]
So now that we have officially gone on the longest, side note ever indulge me as i continue. So Adam was given work before he was given relationship. Going back to the Genesis 1 account of man and woman's creation we are only given a glimpse into the order of events: "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Then God blessed then, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Verses 29 through 30 affirm what the Lord has created and how He has given it to the man and woman. Verse 31 states, "Then God saw that everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good..." This is the first time that creation is called very good! Interesting!
So man is given work before relationship and then after relationship he given added responsibilities. BUT woman was created in relationship and then given responsibility in that relationship with her man.
So while man is not yet married what should he do in the mean time? Obviously work. But what should woman do in the mean time? That is the real question that has plagued so many late night conversations. What to do in the mean time?
I made a blog.
Bibliography: I have read way too many relationship books to even begin to remember where the ideas that i have read end and my own start. Some where they have all mooshed together to form the hodgepodge i call my blog. Some ideas did come from Lisa Bevere's "Fight Like Girl", but not sure which ones, sorry.
What to do in the mean time. I have had several conversations, as of late, about the mean time and what i should be doing with and in it. Most often this "mean time" is the time before marriage and is quite mean to me some days.
Ok some history, the initial mean time conversation originated in a place far away near Saskatoon, (insert Crystal smile here). We were discussing how it is good for men to work. Hey, whose going to disagree with that. Men love to work. And to do well at their work. (Or so i have read in all the books.) And I love working men. It is something that God created in a man's heart: to desire to work and to do it well. There is something beautifully God ordained in the way a man works, whether in the heat of the day, resulting in many beads of sweat falling and transpiring or as a man works with numbers and people. There is just something wonderfully wonderful about the working man. The ability to work is a wonderful gift from God and many a man, who is demoted, laid off or worse yet... fired, will tell you how lucky is the man who raises from bed to work. Oh sure, they may complain or mumble about work and live for the weekends but when he has no work he wastes away and there is something in his spirit that dies. Oh, you might know a man who is lazy and does not want to work... but that is only what it appears to be, for deep inside, the place where no one can see he fears he may fail at work, at the purpose given to man at the foundations of the worlds creation: he has fallen for the lie that to not work is better than to try to work and fail. Who tells these lies? Sometimes parents, and peers. But the ones who hurt the man's desire to work the deepest is his woman. She has told him he is lazy that he is a good for nothing bum. So why work? Why not prove her right. Prove her wrong MAN, show her the beauty of a working man.
So going back to when the foundation of the world was laid: Genesis 2 gives the expanded account of the creation of man and woman. It is interesting to note here that in Genesis 2:5 it states, "For the LORD God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to till the ground..." I read some where that when a conjunction is used in the old testament there is equal weight on the first and second statements. It seems here that it didn't rain because there was no man to work. Creation is ordered and caused to behave in a way because there was no man to work.
But continuing on. In chapter 2: starting at verse 7 an expanded version of the creation of man and woman is given. Verse 8 says that the Lord put the man that He had formed into the garden, Eden, that He had planted. Now after a few verses about the layout of the land and some of the rivers in the area verse 15 gets very interesting: "Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." Verse 15 & 17 are the verbal instructions of which fruits he may eat and which he may not and the consequences of said "if" disobedience.
"OK OK we all know this story. What does this have to do with anything that you were rambling on about before?" You may ask. Well, i am glad you asked. Verse 18, the first time in Scripture that God says that His is not good, states: "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Verse 19 goes on to say that the birds and the animals were formed. When God formed each living creature he brought it to Adam and Adam named each creature. "And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name." Gen 2:1
[Side note: this is why men love naming things: their cars, their bikes, code names, secret club names, nick names... the LORD God designed it into the heart of a man to name things... to speak words of meaning and significance into the lives of others. ]
But in all this searching Adam did not find who he was looking for. He did not find someone to govern and rule the earth with.
[Side note again: This is why men love to search for the one that will compliment their lives. It is a game, a challenge... a hunt to find the one who will fit him. The thrill of the chase. Eve never searched for Adam. It was Adam that looked for that helper to compliment him. It is interesting to note the paradigm shift, most notably in junior high and high school relationships: the girls ask the guys... oh oh oh ... i like your sweater. I know of one girl who specifically drove to a nearby city (the closest one being 2.5 hours away) to attend a college and career group for the soul purpose of finding a boyfriend. And it was not entirely impossible that she would be unsuccessful either! That was the most bizarre part. She didn't succeed, thankfully, but she tired! That is the crazy part: Eve was never created to search for Adam! But we are seeing this more and more. Even older godly ladies, realizing their biological clocks are ticking and the reality of a big family is fading, go searching for Adam. And so they find him, but he is not nearly who they dreamed he would be, he is only a sad glimpse of the man they had once hoped to marry, but he was the only one they could find. Girls are rotten searchers. They usually find a looser who is too wussy of a man to even ask her out: so she takes things into her own hands and she sits alone at night wondering where her night in rusty armor is. One girl, who i deeply admire, is quoted as saying, "If he is not man enough to ask me, he is not man enough to be my man!" Wow! What a girl. She's a keeper. And men sometimes compromise and stop searching for that dear one who is to compliment his heart, only to realize shortly that his compromise has left him with a her nagging like a constant drip and it would be better to live on the corner of a roof. Well, enough tangent for now... moving back to the Genesis account.]
Verse 21 & 22 give account of the creation of woman. Though we do not yet know it is woman that the Lord is creating ... all we know is that Adam is in a deep sleep and the Lord is using a part of Adam in this special creation. Verse 21 & 22: "And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man." It is very interesting that the Lord brought her to the man. After all that searching and looking it was the Lord who brought Eve to Adam. It is in verse 23 that we see that Adam names her. "And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
[Side note again: This is why women love to be named by men. Ok let me explain: there is something powerful and beautiful and even ordained in God created order for a man to tell a woman who she is. Adam knows who he is before he tells the woman who she is. She is Woman BECAUSE she is taken out of Man! When a man knows who he is and is secure in his identity and position as a man it frees his woman to know who she is because she is secure and safe knowing that her man knows who he is. ]
So now that we have officially gone on the longest, side note ever indulge me as i continue. So Adam was given work before he was given relationship. Going back to the Genesis 1 account of man and woman's creation we are only given a glimpse into the order of events: "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Then God blessed then, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Verses 29 through 30 affirm what the Lord has created and how He has given it to the man and woman. Verse 31 states, "Then God saw that everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good..." This is the first time that creation is called very good! Interesting!
So man is given work before relationship and then after relationship he given added responsibilities. BUT woman was created in relationship and then given responsibility in that relationship with her man.
So while man is not yet married what should he do in the mean time? Obviously work. But what should woman do in the mean time? That is the real question that has plagued so many late night conversations. What to do in the mean time?
I made a blog.
Bibliography: I have read way too many relationship books to even begin to remember where the ideas that i have read end and my own start. Some where they have all mooshed together to form the hodgepodge i call my blog. Some ideas did come from Lisa Bevere's "Fight Like Girl", but not sure which ones, sorry.
Ode to Fanny
"Their practicality is only overshadowed by their fashionability." A wise man once mussed. Or maybe my selective memory romanticized his poetic admiration of the fashion accessory of the 90's in the hopes that all the fanny packs in Salvation Army Thrift Stores, Value Villages and MCC Thrift Shops all across the nation would be bought and treasured once again.
The more we wore them the greater our minds justified their practicality. We wore them to Holly's: the diner in the middle of now where, half way between Choiceland and Snowden. (Which we highly recommend as they have vanilla, chocolate and swirl soft ice cream there.) We put our cameras inside them and our wallets. And inside the second pocket i put my new puzzle. Andrew put his money in his too. But mostly he complained about not having as cool as a fanny pack as me because he didn't have a second pocket and his wasn't very big to fit lots of stuff. Sharaya was pretty much happy with her fanny pack because it was free and awesome too. To bad that she is hiding it with her camera in the picture. Maybe, she is ashamed of it.
Andrew decided that if he wore his fanny pack all summer he could always have his camera with him to take pictures. I guess that is assuming that he will put his camera in the fanny pack. So we covenanted to band together and wear our fanny packs this summer to carry stuff in it. When one person wears a fanny pack he or she is a looser but when three people wear fanny packs they are cool. Sharaya suggested that we buy all the fanny packs that we can and sell them at the canteen at Torch this summer "...because all the kids would want them when they see us wearing them." And if you are wondering... When two are wearing then they are married.
Monday, April 9, 2007
nothing at all
have you ever felt lonely, and sad and bored and competely nothing at all at the same time? i think that is what i am feeling now and today and even before today.
"fine, thank - you." - polite face.
"good and you?" - everything is good face.
there is nothing wrong or sad or bad or upsetting in my life. there is no grief or loss. but there is an emptiness. contentment? no... complacency, probably. i feel myself drifting to the land of no concern. a lovely gentle stream. drifting to destruction. how do i get off this river? where are the rapids, the sharp rocks that hone my steering?
where am i going? where is my vision? i have been thinking about vision a lot lately. and how i seem to have none. i wish there was someone who could set my vision for me. who could just say: here is what you will do for now and in the future you will do this. without vision the people perish. i think that know what those people experienced. death the slow, complacent, way. one gentle bend at a time.
i can't even barely order for myself in a restaurant! how can i set vision for myself and for others? the other day when we were all out for supper at a new restaurant i didn't know what to order. i figured i would just do what i do when i go for lunch with my family: get what i had always gotten before or order what someone else was ordering. well i had never had anything on the menu, so i guess i was down to option number two: get what someone else was getting. well i couldn't hear what the first three people ordered so there was only two more people ordering. and that did not go as planned. they ordered something new, something risky. i ordered a salad. i did try one of those risky foods ... just a bite. it was good. i might get it another time... if someone else does.
so maybe i am afraid to take risks. no one likes a failure. no one likes to be that failure. but man, the risk of failure has to beat this slow, lazy, drifting to nothing at all. at least then i would have some excitement, some change, maybe even gain some passion and vision along the way.
"fine, thank - you." - polite face.
"good and you?" - everything is good face.
there is nothing wrong or sad or bad or upsetting in my life. there is no grief or loss. but there is an emptiness. contentment? no... complacency, probably. i feel myself drifting to the land of no concern. a lovely gentle stream. drifting to destruction. how do i get off this river? where are the rapids, the sharp rocks that hone my steering?
where am i going? where is my vision? i have been thinking about vision a lot lately. and how i seem to have none. i wish there was someone who could set my vision for me. who could just say: here is what you will do for now and in the future you will do this. without vision the people perish. i think that know what those people experienced. death the slow, complacent, way. one gentle bend at a time.
i can't even barely order for myself in a restaurant! how can i set vision for myself and for others? the other day when we were all out for supper at a new restaurant i didn't know what to order. i figured i would just do what i do when i go for lunch with my family: get what i had always gotten before or order what someone else was ordering. well i had never had anything on the menu, so i guess i was down to option number two: get what someone else was getting. well i couldn't hear what the first three people ordered so there was only two more people ordering. and that did not go as planned. they ordered something new, something risky. i ordered a salad. i did try one of those risky foods ... just a bite. it was good. i might get it another time... if someone else does.
so maybe i am afraid to take risks. no one likes a failure. no one likes to be that failure. but man, the risk of failure has to beat this slow, lazy, drifting to nothing at all. at least then i would have some excitement, some change, maybe even gain some passion and vision along the way.
Hair Bands
When most people mention hair bands, if they are under 25, they usually think of those little elasticy things that girls put in their hair to hold it in a pony tail or pig tails. Ok here we go on a little tangent rant: why are pony tails and pig tails called as such. Pigs don't have two tails! Ok, so much for that rant. Well, hair bands are also called hair things.
"Do you have an extra hair thing? I forgot mine." She begged with much hoping, knowing her game would be totally off if she didn't do her hair in the same habitual pattern.
Well, speaking of hair bands and hair things let us take a trip together into the past. Into the days of hair... long beautiful hair. Into the days when big hair was the rage and leather pants were hot... and more than just sweaty hot, but actually hot... hot. A side note best added here is that: the picture is really just my sisters trying to be all 80's and stuff but i thought it added an "interesting" touch.
So, about hair bands.
I have an admission to make. It is not a confession, but an admission. When i was little, well in about grade 6 and 7, I was totally in love with a couple hair bands. i picked up their tapes at a garage sale for 25 cents each. i thought i was the coolest. I loved listening to the stellar guitar and the vocals that were errie, haunting and melodious at the same time. Remembering to those days, the harmonies were pretty tight too.
I decided that, since i had thrown out the tapes, and had only vague memories of the lyrics and band names i should do some research. in a mater of minutes using an 80's lyrics search engine i had found two sites of the bands i had once listened to late into the night... oh memories of rewinding and replaying my favorite songs over and over.
I was only 5 when most of those tapes came out. The year was 1988. But when i was 12 and 13, in '95 I was the coolest, listening to those hair bands. oh, hair bands, where are you now to assure me of my coolness? why am i now so concerned with money, success, and being cool... accepted? times were so simple then.
looking back at some of the lyrics, i now see some are really kinda sketchy. but still there are some meaningful ballads and sweet, sweet memories of chillin' in my room in the late nights. the songs, the lyrics and even the bands do not mean so much to me now... but the feelings, the feelings of the memories, those good times, they are what mean something to me. The memories are gray, but man they're really coming back.
As the music drifts from the speakers on on my toshiba laptop, i feel shivers and the same calm floods me every time. the harmonies envelope and cover me like familiar, loved blanket. dreaming that one day someone will dream of me with that persistence, purity and strength.
the song plays on and i now see that the lyrics read like an old country song. who ever said these guys don't have feelings and all they care about is sex hasn't heard this song, seen this heart. hair bands. beauty. pain. love. joy. dreams. delicate. timeless. but one question plagues the never ending saga: all i really want to know is why sometimes she cries when she's alone at night?
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