have you ever felt lonely, and sad and bored and competely nothing at all at the same time? i think that is what i am feeling now and today and even before today.
"fine, thank - you." - polite face.
"good and you?" - everything is good face.
there is nothing wrong or sad or bad or upsetting in my life. there is no grief or loss. but there is an emptiness. contentment? no... complacency, probably. i feel myself drifting to the land of no concern. a lovely gentle stream. drifting to destruction. how do i get off this river? where are the rapids, the sharp rocks that hone my steering?
where am i going? where is my vision? i have been thinking about vision a lot lately. and how i seem to have none. i wish there was someone who could set my vision for me. who could just say: here is what you will do for now and in the future you will do this. without vision the people perish. i think that know what those people experienced. death the slow, complacent, way. one gentle bend at a time.
i can't even barely order for myself in a restaurant! how can i set vision for myself and for others? the other day when we were all out for supper at a new restaurant i didn't know what to order. i figured i would just do what i do when i go for lunch with my family: get what i had always gotten before or order what someone else was ordering. well i had never had anything on the menu, so i guess i was down to option number two: get what someone else was getting. well i couldn't hear what the first three people ordered so there was only two more people ordering. and that did not go as planned. they ordered something new, something risky. i ordered a salad. i did try one of those risky foods ... just a bite. it was good. i might get it another time... if someone else does.
so maybe i am afraid to take risks. no one likes a failure. no one likes to be that failure. but man, the risk of failure has to beat this slow, lazy, drifting to nothing at all. at least then i would have some excitement, some change, maybe even gain some passion and vision along the way.
"...as unto the Lord..."
Col 3:23
Beauty
time seems so elusive, so quickly it passes us by, but in the still moments there is the lost beauty we so recklessly seek
Furbulous
It's me!
a hot day
seriously it was at least 10 degres hotter on my deack than anywhere else at Torch this summer.
Lord of the Harvest
Then He [Jesus] said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” Mt 3:38 & Lk 10:2
Trained
"Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11 "A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher." Luke 6:40
Freedom Yolk
" 'For now I will break off his yoke from you, And burst your bonds apart.' " Nahum 1:13 " 'For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.' " Jesus: Matthew 11:30
The Power of God
"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18
Consuming Fire
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28 & 29
Smoldering Flax
“A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench.” Is 42:3 & Mt 12:20
i have my eye on you.
"The Lord is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good." Proverbs 15:3 NLT
More Than Conquerers
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37
5 comments:
This post made me think that maybe we have more in common then I banked on! For sure feel that "nothingness/loneliness" at times (lots actually). Were if people ask you how your doing you say "good" because nothing is really bad but you feel bad about saying "good" because things aren't like they should be, it seems (if that makes any sense). As far as vision goes... man it's hard enough to make one for your self but to have to be a visionary for others (ie. youth group)... what's going on!
P.s. Why does it seems nobody like to respond to the more serious posts?
Pablo, No one responds to more serious posts because they do not want to be vulnerable to the general public. But for the sake of truthfulness, friendship, living in light, vulnerability and all those other high goals, here is a piece of my response to the more serious post:
Crystal, I have felt what you described. Like you, at times I feel sad even though my life is pleasant. Perhaps this stems from lack of vision. It is true that when I look beyond myself and live with vision the empty useless feelings subside. In Christ I have hope but still I feel sad. How can this be? How can hope and sadness be so mixed together? I have a vision for lives to be changed because of Christ. I think when I lack encouragement from others it is easy for me to give up hope. Then, I feel sad.
hey krystal! it's cool to see your blog. your honesty is great! you always were very good at that. anyway, i read something recently - that verse (without vision, people perish) from proverbs is quoted from the King James version, but if you read it in the NIV it reads, "where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint." Prov. 29:18. He said that the verse has nothing to do with the children of God being "visionary thinkers" and everything to do with the children of God falling into chaos and sin when they ignore what God has revealed to them through His Word. Earlier he said that it's not what is in your heart, or what you want to accomplish for God, or what you want to see in your church, or your group of churches. The key is not what you want to see (your vision), but what is in God's heart and what is in His mind.
But, you really should read the book. I thought it was great! it was Me, Myself, and Bob, by Phil Vischer. Maybe we'll see you around when we move back to saskatchewan. cheers! life is about God, and we can rest in that.
andrea koop
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