"where did i put my keys?"

I have just finished reading "to live in love" by Eileen Guder. She systematically goes through 1 Corinthians 13 giving practical application that is profound in it's simplicity and life changing if implemented. I quote one specific part that challenged me: "Rather than face, and deal with, the sins that are our own, we look around for some evidence of someone else's sin." (p 152, paragraph 1). Though first published in 1967, these words still ring true.

I often loose things, misplace them and then forget where i have put them. There is another person that i know who does this a lot, as well. It annoys me to no end. "Why can't he keep track of his things? Why does he always leave this laying around? Why can't he can't put that back where he found it? Do i even need to bother guessing whose this is? Of course, he always leaves stuff everywhere." I mutter to myself.

But as i look closer at my own life i realize that it is me that annoys myself. "Where did i leave my keys? Has anyone seen my jacket? I was sure i put that paper here somewhere." i seethe in frustration with myself.

It is much easier to mutter under my breath about someone else's faults than to look introspectively at my own. Change? That takes work! Complaining is much easier. Taking responsibility for my actions? Never! That's hard. But i think it is worth it. I think it is worth the effort, the time, even worth the pain.

When i take responsibility and see the real ugliness, and imperfection in my heart that i try so desperately, yet so inadequately, to hide, i am found in a place where i am broken for i can't even change my bad habit of loosing things on my own. Oh what a desperate state i am in when i try to change "unhealthy relating patterns" and "disobedience" and "rebelion" aka ... SIN... (oh how painful to my over inflated pride to even write) that has spawned from no where in my heart.

My heart is inherently bad, corrupt, deceitful. I naturally want to run from and pretend that i have done no wrong and that everything will be ok. And there is more that needs to change than just my awful habbit of loosing things. There is so much more that needs fixing, so many more areas in my life that need continual redemption.

But praise be to the Lord of Heaven who enables change, in all parts of my life, who enables me to want to change. Who brings me to a place in my life where i want to deal with the yuckiness beneath and give up my pretending facade.

O Lord, you are my Rock, my hiding place. I do not need to run and hide from You but i need to run to You to find shelter and strength. You are the only one who can change a gross heart and mind. Thank you for the desire to look at my own sin in assurance that You have already provided the only way it can be blotted out and erased.